soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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