Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
