I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
