It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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