don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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