go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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