Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
