She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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