I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
