Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
