I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
