I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
