I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
