The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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