I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
