i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
