I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
