She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
