CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
