Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
