imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
