I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
