I accidentally burped into my bong.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
