i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
