you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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