I could make wine with my vomit
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
