Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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