He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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