Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
