I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it's like iHOP with fire
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
