I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
