My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
