Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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