Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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