We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
