No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
