You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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