i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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