she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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