i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Randomize
