TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
