there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
