At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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