u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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