Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
