So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
