I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
