I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
