I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
