whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
