Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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