So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
