i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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