I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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